What is the Victim Mentality

Who's in charge of your life? Who's to blame when things don't go according to plan? Is it you? Or do you have a habit of pointing the finger outward whenever you find yourself in an unpleasant situation?

If you can't take the blame when things go wrong, then you have no power to make things go right.

Victim – "one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent."

The victim mentality is one in which you believe that your past, present, and future life are not in your control, but subject to the circumstances of your external world.

You don't blaze your way through life making things happen, you instead let life "happen to you".
Here are a few of the mental characteristics associated with the victim mentality.

Blaming others for one's own situation

It's never your fault. It's not your fault that you're fat. McDonald's shouldn't have built a location so close to home.
It's not your fault that you're underpaid. Your boss is just a cheapskate who refuses to pay enough.
It's not your fault that you're drowning in debt. You had to buy that new (insert material item you really didn't have to buy here), even though you couldn't afford it.
But it's okay, because it's never your fault.

Believing Other People are Just Luckier

"She got that promotion because she was lucky." – Ignoring the fact that she showed up early, stayed late, delivered amazing work, and consistently asked for new responsibility.
"He's lucky, he was probably born with that super fit body." – Ignoring that he works out everyday, whether he's in the mood or not, and avoids unhealthy foods.
"He's probably driving that nice car because he was lucky enough to get an inheritance from rich uncle" – Ignoring that had a great business idea, then executed on that idea by working late, and waking up early, everyday for several years, until he had a successful business.
But you could never achieve what they have. You could never get your dream job, have your dream body, or have the ability to buy nice things for yourself. You're just not lucky enough.

Focusing On the Bad

Remember the story of Chicken Little? Always screaming that the sky is falling. This is how a victim views life, only being able to focus on the bad.
The glass is always half empty, and it's getting worse by the second.

Learned helplessness

This is when you're forced to endure some unpleasant experience, so that even when an opportunity to avoid that unpleasant experience finally surfaces, you don't take it because you now believe that you have no control over the situation.
The solution could be looking you in the face, but you're so convinced that it won't work, you just keep letting life beat you up.
Again, life is acting on you, instead of you acting on life.

How Victims Speak

The victim mentality also comes with it's own language.

I Can't

"I can't lose weight. I've always been overweight."
"I can't earn more money. My job just doesn't pay enough."
Since the victim believes he, or she, is not in control, they default to believing that they can't do, be, or have whatever they want. And this belief comes through by saying things like, "I can't".

I Must

"I must stay with this job that I hate because I don't have any other choice."
When you use phrases like, "I must", you're giving up your freedom to choose. "I must" forces you into submission and limits your choices.

I Don't Know

"I could never follow my passion, I don't even know where to start."
You don't know the answer, and you will never know the answer. That's the message you send yourself when you say, "I don't know".

How It's Holding You Back

When you let the victim mentality take hold of your life, you're limited in what you can achieve.
When you believe that you're a victim, you're giving up the power to change, and create the life you really want to live.
Again, if you can't responsibility for your life and claim control, then you have no power over what kind of life you'll live.

How to Overcome the Victim Mentality

If you've been reading along so far, nodding your head in agreement because this sounds like your life, there's good news.
You can change your mentality, which is the starting point for changing your life.
I'm a firm believer that you can be, do, or have anything you want it life. You've just got to work for it. But if you can't overcome the victim mentality, you'll never reach your goals.

Here's how to do it.

1) Take Control of Your Life.

If you're not at fault when things go wrong, then you're powerless in making things go right. You must accept responsibility for your life, and be accountable for what happens and what doesn't happen.
This is the only way you'll be able to take control of your life in a meaningful way. What does it look like to take control?

It means you stop making excuses about why you can't do, be, or have whatever it is you really want. It means you take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, and leverage both to move your life forward.
If you're not getting paid enough, it's not your boss' fault, it's yours. If you can get a job, it's not the economy's fault, it's yours. If you can't lose weight, stay committed, save more money, it's no one's fault but yours.
Now, I know that may seem harsh. But you have to understand, you cannot take control until you accept that quality of your life today, is a function of all the decisions you've made up until this point.

You're in control.

2) Create Your Own Luck

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it" ― Thomas Jefferson
Luck isn't something that's reserved for an elite few, luck is something you can manufacture. It's a direct result of the amount of effort you put it in.
How do you manufacture luck? Simple, work hard and keep your eyes open for opportunities. And the harder, and smarter, you work, the more opportunities you'll find.
There are opportunities everywhere, but the problem is, most people aren't paying enough attention to see them.

3) Change Your Language

How can I?
"I Can't" is a phrase that shuts down your brain. When you say "I can't" you immediately stop any possibility for finding a solution. But when you turn that phrase around and say, "How can I?" you open up the possibility for finding a solution.
I know, this seems like a small change in language, but it's a powerful change.

What else can I do?

Again, when you say something like, "I must" you're locking yourself into an outcome and you're giving up control.
When you say, "What else can I do?" you're opening up the opportunity for more solutions.

What do I need to learn?

"I don't know" has to be one of the biggest barriers to success. People know what they want to achieve, but when they don't know what to do, they just never do anything.
"I want to be fit, but I don't know the first thing about eating healthy foods."
"I want to start my own business, but I don't know where to start."
"I don't know" is a dream killer. Instead, ask yourself, "What do I need to learn?". Again, a small change in language, but a huge change in results, and in the quality of your life.
Knowledge is abundant, and usually only a book, conversation, or a Google search away.

You're in Control

You have all the skills, knowledge, and potential, to take control of your life right now. You don't have to play the role of a victim anymore.